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| Now surplus to requirements? Photo: christmasstockimages.com |
The first time I told someone about my bipolar label, it was an
agonisingly big deal. I rehearsed and thought it through carefully. Finally,
using the language of the times, I declared my manic depressive 'otherness' to
a friend. I was met with a hug, some questions and reassurance. It makes no
difference to those who hold you with affection. But other situations can get
tricky. Do you spill the beans on a first date and if so, how? Or do you wait
until it's serious and then cope with the feelings of betrayal and humiliation
that arise? Do you tell before you meet his parents, or wait until the night
before you move in?
I remember one partner who was happy to have a manic-depressive
writer for a girlfriend. A journalist with a formidable reputation, my mental
health status fulfilled his romantic notions of living out life Bohemian style.
The first time he witnessed my ascent into full blown mania he seemed intrigued
but stayed around to discuss it. After all, someone who stays up all night to
order flowers for everyone they know, might be a fun person to live with
(sometimes). But descent into the murky depths of a depressed hell usually
followed my upswings. Most partners find it difficult to fathom why you're
still not dressed at 3 o'clock or can't find the energy to get out of bed. And
prior to marriage there were hurtful discussions about children and whether or
not you could/should have them. What was the risk of offspring being similarly
afflicted?
